The application of best practices to businesses has been around for quite some time, but can those same theories be applied to relationships?
Many people go about searching for a life partner by selecting someone who is the best fit for them and this may have been met with success in the past, but does it really hold true in today’s world? The rules of the game have dramatically changed. For instance, we now live in a world where people text people next to them instead of speaking actual words? Can texts truly express our body language and feelings? Do emoji’s and/or gif’s now suffice for real feelings or the depth of our thoughts?
Let’s take a look at best practices then you decide.
What is best practices? Best practices means aligning your relationship search criteria with a person who is stable and reliable, but also being selective in who you let into your life. Most of us would agree with these two factors. Next, we should find someone who is self-motivated and not too needy, someone who shares many, if not all, of your core beliefs, and who you can share your heart with. So where do we start?
Make a wish-list of the traits you want in your partner or spouse. If you already have someone special make a pro/con list to see how they measure up to your wish-list.
Reliability means someone who you can count on in the good times and bad. No relationship is perfect and there are bound to be times when the two of you disagree, but at the heart of that should always be love and the ability to talk things through instead of merely being reactionary.
Stability means consistency. It should be every persons best thought to share your life with someone who does not constantly change their mind or who has emotions that swing from love to hate in a mere ten seconds or less, but who can take a stance on an issue or topic and only change it when the facts point that direction. Consistency should also apply to how you approach disagreements. Does your partner shut themselves off if you happen to have a disagreement? Or do they try to understand what caused it and work things out? This is a two way street and both parties ought to be good enough conversationalists that they can talk through things that are sometimes hurtful and get back to the love. There are times when people say or do things that they later regret. Forgiveness is golden and proves that there is a deep and abiding foundation of love and respect for one another.
When people are self-assured they know who they are and the direction they want their life to take. Is your spouse self-assured or do they need you to prop them up? Respect is also something that people who love one another ought to share with each other. If you want respect you must also be able to give it. Love ought not be needy or clingy, but each person should be able to spend time alone too. Needy people encroach on your personal space and leech their lack of self-assurance into everything they do and see. So find someone who knows who they are, respects you and themselves, and is a compliment to you.
Love is the crux of all relationships. Is this a love that is nurturing and sympathetic or empathetic? Is it conditional? There should never be conditions or stipulations for love to flow. Simple, juvenile love may not be enough unless you are in highschool or college. Most of us want a mature love. A love that grows as you each grow and mature. If you hurt you want someone who can listen, act as a sounding board, or comfort you. Therefore, sympathy and empathy are key traits to being a quality human being and showing others that you love them and will stand with them to help right what is amiss.
If religion or family or anything that you feel deeply about is met with opposition in your potential partner then take some time do discuss why this is the case and see if the two of you can find some common ground to grow a foundation upon. For instance, if you want a large family and your potential spouse despises children there is a chance this might be the wrong person for you to settle down with. However, if you are both open to the possibility of a family and all it entails there may be room to work things out. If not, maybe you should move on. Or maybe you are religious to a fault and your potential spouse is atheist. Can you work through this or is it a deal-breaker. Either way find our before you say I do.
It is my firm belief that relationships cannot prosper without a solid foundation of trust, mutual respect, love, shared values, and quality communication. I hope this helps those on the fence so to see where applying a best practices approach can point to a nurturing and loving partnership or a place where you stop pursuing that person who previously interested you.